Sunday 8 March 2009

So what is this Starfishing lark anyway?

Apart from being a book that I'm in what is Starfishing? Answers on a postcard. I've been trawling the web to see what other people think but no one's quite got the answer I'm looking for yet.

From the Urban Dictionary:
"She was full starfishing for me last night...I full doodled her good!"

From the interweb:

A place where things happen without warning.

From Amazon.com

An album by the Green Chili Jam Band

On the bloggosphere here and here

At Yahoo! answers there is talk about it but few answers.

If you want to find out what it has to do with my story, well, you're just gonna have to buy the book. Go on. You know you want to.


Monday 2 March 2009

When it comes to the crunch…

I haven't posted here for ages and the main reason for that is I had fuck all to say. I was busy too. Busy keeping hold of my job and your money ha ha. Yes, I am an evil trader who has made the country go wrong.

I have to say that all of this recent fuss about traders and bonuses has done my head in. Don't get me wrong; I know the money we get paid is obscene, we all do. I don't think for one second that I deserve it or anything. Some days I sit at my trading screen and I laugh at what I’m doing, piss my sides that there’s someone willing to pay good hard cash for me to do this.

But the credit crisis is my fault? What a pile of crap.

First of all, I'd like to point out the difference between a retail bank, like Lloyds TSB or Barclays, and an investment bank like Merrill Lynch or CSFB. Retail banks are the ones who look after your money for you, give you a bit of interest, and lend to you if your credit rating's good enough (at least, that’s the way it’s supposed to work lmfao.) These banks probably have a treasury department and, yes, these treasury departments will trade interest rate products and so on, but they're not really traders. They exist to make sure the bank has enough ready cash to pay out what it needs to, but also to use any surplus money to earn more profit overnight. Believe it or not, the perfect bank balance for someone like Halifax or Barclays is zero, at least when they’re sleeping, because that way they’ve used any leftovers to make more money. Efficient.

Are you with me so far?

An investment bank or trading company is whole different kettle of bananas and, yes, these companies are out to make a profit from the market. A brokerage, like I work for, provides market access for those who can't go direct and the customers have to pay a fee for the privilege. Like a stockbrokers, except we deal in futures and options.

And guess what? The crisis we've got to now is more complicated than either of these things.

You could blame the traders, labelling us greedy, irresponsible wide boys and girls. We’re an easy target. Nobody likes it that there are people in the world earning what we do, living our lifestyle. I can see about a million reasons for Joanna Public to hate the likes of me, but the credit crisis isn't one of them imo.

You could blame the retail banks. The ones with the piss poor management and irresponsible lending policies. You'd be nearer the mark. The whole thing started with banks in the states lending money to people who couldn't afford it and then, hey, guess what, they didn't pay it back. Shock fucking horror.

You could also blame the regulator. Sure as hell there were things the FSA could have done better. You only have to look at the example of Northern Rock to realise that. And what were Northern Rock doing wrong? Oh, they were lending to people who couldn't afford it. Is this sounding familiar?

The politicians have played their part in this debacle, no fucking doubt about it, don’t they always? You can go all the way back to Maggie and look at ways things have been regulated, or not more to the point, and blame her if you like. Why not? Everyone does and there’s something in it.

But, you know what? You need to go a lot closer to home to really get to the root of all this evil.

Have you ever borrowed money for something you didn’t really need? Have you ever borrowed more money than you really should have? Do you regularly spend more than comes in your wages? Do you have more shoes than you need, rails of clothes you don’t wear? Can you honestly say that you don’t fall for the crap of designer labels or strive for the perfect home, collecting things and buying right into the consumer bollox that we all do? Don’t get me wrong; I can’t. But I’m not the one getting holier than thou here.

There’s all sorts of shit in the world right now that you can blame anyone you like for. Global warming. Endangered species. Reality TV and Girls Aloud. You can sit at home and moan about all this stuff till you’re blue in the face, but have you ever done anything about any of it? Like fuck you have.

If the crunch fits…